Can you change your child’s personality?

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Wilson Manyuira(wilsonmanyuira@yahoo.com)  and Wayua Muli| Click here to read as Published on Daily Nation 

Every parent wants the best for their child — including, and most especially, a personality that allows them to navigate the world in future with relative ease.

It is comforting to be the parent of an extrovert toddler who loves to make friends, dominates his or her group, and gets along with everyone — parents can breathe the easy in the knowledge that their child will grow up to be a social, sociable adult.

He needs no Sympathy, he likes it that way. thats his Swag!

Parents of introverts, however, worry that their child will be bullied at school and throughout their life, and that they will make themselves an easy, defenseless target.

Mary, 27, is the mother of a four-year-old boy. “When he was younger my son David was quiet and reserved and I wondered if he would get along with other children,” she says.

“I used to worry about his social skills and wondered how I could make him tough.” At the time, Mary and her son were living in an estate where there were few children for David to socialise with.

They have since moved to another estate where there are many children around his age and David has started school. His true personality has now emerged.

“These days he has a little “gang” of children who listen to him as if he’s their leader,” says Mary. “He enjoys riding his bike and playing with them, and once he meets up with his friends, they are inseparable,” she glows.

Okey! A pray a day keep the girls away from this young boy 

Is it something that Mary did that changed the way that David related to others? According to the experts, no. All she did was move him to an area where his true personality was allowed to blossom now that he was in regular contact with children his age.

Different from birth

Many child psychologists will tell you that babies are born with their personalities already formed — and any parent of two or more children can also attest to the fact that all babies are different right from birth. Babies born to the same parents — even identical twins — can be as different as night and day.

According to Dr Harvey Karp, paediatrician and author of The Happiest Toddler on the Block, babies’ temperaments can be divided into three broad categories: Easygoing babies are, like the name implies, easy.

They seem to always “wake up on the right side of the bed”. The second category is composed of reserved, sensitive babies. They take time to warm up to people, can spend hours cuddling close to their parents, and do not take well to extremes of anything, be it noise, tastes, or textures.

Spirited children are those who many parents wish they had — then wish they did not have when they have one. Spirited children are intensely active and driven and likely to be found running around a playground with a frustrated parent chasing after them.

Handle with care

According to Truphosa Ashiko who lives in Lang’ata and runs a child care club, while it is not possible to change a child’s temperament, extremities of character are not natural and can be re-shaped.

However, she says that because children are fragile, they should be handled with care. “If your child is the type that has a lot of energy, how you contain that energy is very important,” she says.

When you rebuke or reprimand the child in order to restrain this kind of energy, the child may grow accustomed to negativity and end up being withdrawn as an adult.

Exactly how do you go about “tweaking” a child’s personality? The key, according to parent Beth Miriti, the mother of an eight-year-old boy, is to understand who they are and, consequently, how to handle them.

Art in the nude: A moral and social dilemma

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Wilson Manyuira(wilsonmanyuira@yahoo.com) | Click here to read as Published on Daily Nation 

On the Monday of May 20, 2013, word went round that a group of young people had locked themselves up inside a residential house in a posh Nakuru suburb to make a pornographic film.

The informants told the police they suspected no one inside the house was clothed since they had espied clothes scattered all over the place.

The police moved swiftly and knocked on the doors of the mansion. Once inside, they discovered that indeed people were in the nude in the house, but no one was filming anyone in the act. Instead, the group was taking photos of each other’s bare bodies.

The police immediately arrested them, but then, three and half hours later, released all of them. While the young men and women had truly been in the nude, they had not broken any law against which the police could charge them.

During interrogation, they said they were taking nude pictures for a magazine, but there had been no instance of immorality and pornography inside the house.

That incident, coupled with many others, including the “discovery” of nude pictures of Kenyan celebrities on the Internet, provoked a heated debate between purists and nudists, with the conservatives arguing that nude photography is pornography, plain and simple. The nudists and their supporters, however, disagree.

“First of all, there is nothing pornographic about being naked,” argues Michael Khateli, a nudist photographer based in Nairobi. “We were all born naked, we all shower naked, and we all get naked at one point every day of our lives.”

Khateli believes that nude photography — professionally referred to as Boudoir Photography — is misunderstood yet all the art does is depict the nude or naked form of the human body in the most creative and aesthetic way.

“We seek to appreciate the beauty of the human body by using good poses, correct lighting and soft focus,” he says.

Sheer glamour

Mutua Matheka, one of Kenya’s most famous and most creative photographer, agrees. Although he says he does not practise it because his “plate is normally full with other stuff”, Matheka refutes the notion that this type of photography is pornographic, explaining that the true and pure branch of the art is different from sheer glamour or pornography.

Nigerian Actor Ini Edo Showing off Her Back. mmmh sweeeeet!....ryt?

Speaking to these two photographers, one gets the notion that this controversial type of expression has been around for quite a while, only that few have been willing to talk about it.

However, the growth of new media and liberalisation of expressive, artsy communication, coupled with the de-stigmatisation of sex and public manifestations of sexuality, have let the cat out.

“There are so many nude art photographers in Kenya,” says Khateli, “but most are scared to come out because they know the society will brand them as purveyors of pornography. If you want to know how popular this type of art is becoming, just browse through social networks and see what people have been up to.”

Khateli says the line between pornography and art has been blurred by time, hence the distinction between the two is not clear in the minds of many. For the professional photographer, however, the bounds are crystal clear, and those who practise either make it clear in their portfolios and public engagements.

“Going nude, or being seen such, is a controversial subject the world over,” he says. “That’s why photographers hired to shoot such scenes often swear to maintain confidentiality between them and their clients.”

Voluptous big bummed Vera sidika Who have posted Endless Nude phots of her gorgeous  body online 

Lulu Akaki, a trained photojournalist and social media manager, sees the current push-and-pull as a straightforward display of the chasms that exist between hardcore social pedants and the new, connected generation of African creatives.

But the confusion, she says, is misinformed because photography can serve two purposes: arouse interest in a subject by having a model pose in an attractive and seductive way — either fully clothed or semi-clothed; or excite one sexually through explicit poses.

The latter, in her view, is most abominable, while the former is simply misunderstood because “most people view it through the immorality-filtering lens”, which distorts a morally acceptable form of artistic expression as being pornographic.

Lulu argues that the idea that showing your body is wrong is “backward”, and that the misguided notion has immensely been propagated throughout Africa.

That is why whenever a model decides to go against the grain, a backlash ensues yet no one pauses to understand why one would agree to pose naked for a picture that would be in the public domain.

So, why would someone pose nude for the cameras? To explore the mind of a nudist, Lulu relies heavily in an incident that happened in Russia about two years ago.

In the run up to presidential elections, a girl who only identified herself as Diana joined ranks with a lawmaker to start a campaign dubbed “Putin’s Army” in which girls were to strip naked in support of Putin’s bid to succeed Dmitry Medvedev.

The model made her intentions and those of the ‘army’ clear when she was photographed wearing a T-shirt with the words “I will tear my clothes off for Putin”, written in red lipstick, and proceeded to strip naked. 
Though the stunt was hugely unpopular worldwide, Lulu says it achieved its intentions of grasping the nation’s attention.

“That aside, there are countless reasons why people pose unclothed,” she says. “It can be to advance breast cancer awareness, to help women heal after a rape ordeal, to promote a product or even as a way to speak out or take a stand against something in the society.”

For instance, Maria Kris, a Kenyan model, says she posed nude two weeks ago for Health Week magazine as a way of promoting feminine health awareness.

“It depends on the purpose and we all agree because it’s business,” she explains. “Some do it just for their own personal pleasure, while others do it to advance a certain cause, such as the one by Health Week.”

Muthoni Njogu, who co-runs Gallery Khately Limited with Michael Khateli, starts by saying photos are very unique, powerful and potent mediums of conveying messages to explain the increasing popularity of nude photography.

voucha! Muthoni Njogu Poses Nude For Nudist Michael Khateli 

“Apart from the financial motivation behind it, we also aim to pass across a certain message, depending on the context,” she says.

But, while direct messaging may be a motivation, the money involved is also a magnet for some models, most of whom are still in university and may regard such modelling as a welcome side hustle.

Money cannot sanitise issue

For instance, although Maria Kris refuses to divulge how much she earns per shoot, she says the financial reward “is handsome”. She quotes Muthoni Njogu and Ephy Saint — a Kenyan model who recently created controversy by claiming that Nigerian actor Peter Edochie is his biological father — as some of the best paid in the industry.

Before girls start giggling. this are just Good parks but pathetic for Ribs. Kenyan Actor  Ephy Saint who claims Peter Idochie is His DAD

Photographer Khateli says he charges between Sh10,000 and Sh25,000 for a four-hour shoot.

But the money has done little to sanitise the art, and Khaleli says the fact that the society has refused to accept his as a genuine, principled way of earning a living means many will continue to operate in the underground.

“Many Kenyans don’t like it,” he says. “I had a friend who said he would like to dissociate himself with me because he did not like what I was doing, but a number of them understand me and my motivations.”

Fr John Warui of the Nyeri Catholic Secretariat, however, does not think there can be any justification for this kind of art. Asked whether maybe he and those opposed to the idea live in the past, he pauses for what seems like forever, then delves into that past and digs up a narrative to explain himself.

The story is about an African catechist of the missionary era who wanted to commit suicide for fear of being punished by his White bishop, who was coming to visit from abroad.

“At the time, the African set up was such that nudity was not an issue,” he begins, “and so when the catechist informed his community of the impending visit by the bishop, he advised them to bath and dress decently for the big day.

“As advised, the congregation bathed and, like they used to, robed themselves only below the waist, leaving the upper body bare. When they gathered to meet the bishop, the catechist was lost for words and wondered why women would display their nudity, which was immoral according to his church’s values. Since they did not want to offend their priest, they untied the robes from their waists and wrapped them around their chests!”

Fr Warui explains that the human body is sacred and thus nudity can only be tolerated if it is meant to serve the interests of mankind and nothing else.

If it’s for a breast cancer awareness campaign, that’s okay according to me. But such photography has to be rated for parental guidance,” he says, clarifying that the sentiments are his personal opinion, not the church’s because “the Catholic Church advocates modesty and restraint in all matters nude”.

However, Fr Charles Kinyua, head of Consolata Institute of Communications and Technology, sticks to the straight and narrow, pointing out that nudity is nudity, no matter the cause.

A wrong is a wrong, period

“It is intolerable according to the church’s principles and goes against the founding morals that guide our behaviours,” he observes.

“A wrong is a wrong, no matter what, how, when and who does it. Nakedness is sinful in itself and there is no two ways about it. The Bible says our bodies are temples of the Lord and there is time for everything.”

Fr Kinyua attributes the rising popularity of nude photography to changing societal values and the fact that people are becoming more liberal “as the fear of the Lord declines in them”.

Mental restriction — where the mind is prevented from getting unwanted exposure to undesirable things— should be exercised in all matters nude in order to foil our children from immoral exposure that may shape them negatively from a psychological point of view, says Fr Kinyua.